Here are a few irreverent definitions:

Airspeed An aircraft's speed. (Deduct 25% when listening to a homebuilder).
Bank The people who own most of a pilot's car.
Carburettor Icing A phenomenon reported by pilots just after they run out of fuel.
Cone of Confusion An area about the size of Hampshire located near the final approach beacon at at airport.
Crab A VFR instructor's attitude on an IFR day.
Destination Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot's bladder saturation point.
Engine Failure A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with low-octane air.
Firewall Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and smoke into the cockpit.
Flight Following Formation flying
Glide Distance Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
Hobbs An instrument which creates an emergency situation should it fail during dual instruction.
Hydroplane An aircraft designed to land long on a short wet runway.
IFR A method of flying by needle and horoscope.
Lean Mixture Non-alcoholic beer.
Nanosecond The time delay between the low fuel warning light coming on and the onset of carburettor icing.
Parachutes The two 'chutes in a Stearman.
Parasitic Drag A pilot who bums a ride and then complains about the service.
Range Usually about three miles short of the destination.
Rich Mixture What you order at another pilots promotion party.
Roger Used when you're not too sure what else to say on the radio.
Spoilers CAA or FAA inspectors.
Stall Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late.
Turn and Bank Indicator An instrument largely ignored by pilots.
Useful Load Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight.


Last updated: 16 February, 2003 20:03